Tuesday, March 8, 2011

7 Months!!!!

Caate has been home 7 Months!!!! She sure has become an amazing little girl. Acting so much older, listening a little more consistantly, and just adjusting so much more to life in her family. The biggest step for her in the last 6-8 weeks has been trust and love. She LOVES us so much more deeper than she ever has. It's sooo exciting to see!!!! Because we have the boys to compare to (which I try not to do), but for measuring "depth of love and attachment", it's been quite handy. Her love for us as parents has grown leaps and bounds! The way she looks at me now, compared to 3 months ago is completely different. The love she has in her eyes is so incredible!

Yesterday I was praising her for not doing something over the last few weeks, that she had been doing for the last 7 months. I wanted her to know how proud I was of her. What I didn't expect, was the beam of light that radiated from her face and eyes!!!! She didn't need a reward, or a treat....it was good enough to get words of praise from me. She was so proud of herself...and for once all she wanted was to know that I noticed and that I was proud of her. She had the look on her face that her brothers have when I praise them for doing something well. It was a break through moment for us. My words were all she needed and wanted. Mama's approval and love. I almost cried. You work so hard every day, fun or not, to be intentional when raising a child from a 'hard place'. It's hard work...harder than raising biological kids. And, the fact that I didn't get the first 3 1/2 years with her....you have to try and undo some things that she had learned. That can be tough. And, you have to do it with sensitivity and gentleness as well. The most rewarding moments, are when you have break throughs! Even small ones. Yesterday I felt like we leaped forward a huge step! I don't feel she has as strong a desire to seek out love from anyone other than her parents and her brothers anymore. She really does LOVE US!!! She knows now that we will always love her, even when she does something wrong, or something that disappoints us. She spent many months pushing every one of my "buttons". Boy, was she good at it!!! LOL! But, over time she realized that I still loved her in the moments that pushed me to my limits. Yes, we have bunted heads a few times. Yes, we've gone through some tough times...but Yes, I chose to love her and wrap my arms around her when she tried to push me away. Yes, it was hard. It's hard to love someone when their actions are not of love. But, God gave me the strength to love her despite the cirumstances. And, now I can honestly say I love Caate much deeper and stronger than I ever have. Our love has grown over the last 7 months. It wasn't automatic. It took effort. Most people don't know that about adoption. It's not always automatic to love your new child as much as your biological ones. Honestly, it was effort. And really, what it took was time. I am thankful I am blessed to have her home with me. I don't have to leave her at day care. I can spend every waking minute with her...creating strong attachment and love. I feel so blessed. I want to give her the best of me. And, I want her to know I will sacrifice all that is in me for her. :-) She deserves to know how to love and trust someone....and I will do all I can to teach her that.

Caate,
I will always love you, and do everything that is in me to protect you. You are something soooo special. I feel pretty amazing that God chose me to be your mom. To get to spend every day with you, to get to be your teacher of life and love. You, are a dream come true! Thank you for being patient with me, as I make mistakes and not always do things right the first time. You really do love me and I know that will never change. I am proud of you, what you have overcome in your 4 years of life. You are a bright shining light already....and I know God has big things planned for your life! I know there are many things you will still have to over come in life as you begin to realize that your life has been quite different than your brothers thus far. I hope we will always be able to tackle each step together as mother and daughter and that you know I will always be here for you. Your Papa and I love you so deeply and want the very best for you! Your brothers adore you and will also love and protect you always. :-) You are our girl, through and through!!! Don't ever forget that!

With love,
your forever mama

You will notice that Caate's personality is FINALLY coming through in her monthly pictures!!!! I loved this shoot with her...we had so much fun! ( I didn't get 6 month pictures as Caate and the rest of us were quite sick, so hopefully these will make up for it!)