Friday, January 29, 2010

"You'll be in my heart"

Dear my little sweet heart,

It's been awhile since I've written you. I want you to be able to read this love story about how much I loved you. That I would go to the ends of the earth for you. So, today I'm writing this letter to you, to say that you'll be in my heart always. I heard this song today, by Phil Collins. You should ask me to play it for you. It's a great song. Today, it's on my blog. It says, you will be in my heart always, and I'll always be there for you. As much as I can't be there for you right now...know that I'm doing all I can to get to you. Right now your daddy and I are having to make some decisions regarding your adoption. We have the option to open a new region. We don't know what to do. It's all so hard, and scary. We don't want to throw money away...yet you are so priceless...that really, who cares if we do! If opening a new region...will bring you to us. Than I'll do it. But, is this the right decision? Or, are you in Vlad? As you read will know the end of the story. But, I want you to know that our love runs so deep for you. I don't want you to ever doubt that. My hearts aches for you each and everday. I want to take the shortest path to you...but some days it feels like we always take the long and hard path. I can't imagine what is going through your head...wondering why you are getting picked by a family. Why you have to wait so long. And, there's nothing you can do about it. I pray that each and every day...someone in your life can make you smile. That someone will take your little hand in theirs and hold it tight. That someone in your life will love you. All I can do, is pray for you...that God is taking great care of you. And, I pray once more...that soon I will be the one that gets to take your little hand in mine. But, until that day girl...I love you. I miss you. And I promise we will come for you. We will not stop doing all we can to get to you. No matter how hard the decisions get, we will keep trusting that God will give us the wisdom to know what we need to do. That we will make the right decisions for you and our family.

One last thing. Your brothers can not wait for you to come home. Yes, I've said this before...but nothing has changed. :-) Know, that they have loved you for as long as we have! 3 years of falling in love with you. It's so incredible the love they have for you, a little girl they do not know. It's such a special love, so rare....that only God can give. You will be so loved and protected by them. Two great big brothers that will be there for you, always. :-)

I hope that the end is really in sight...that it won't be much longer before we get to see you for the first time. It's almost February...I had such hopes that maybe, just maybe we'd get a referral this coming month. Though, very optimistic...we had hope. With being given the option to open a new probably means that Vlad isn't going to produce any referrals in the next while. If there was hope for Vlad, then why would they even present this to us?? You'd think this was good news, getting the option to open a new region. To double the odds of getting our girl home. But, it just means nothing positive is happening in Vlad. It's been a very slow year. Slowest year ever for this region, from what I've heard. But, maybe, just maybe...things will pick up. So, what do we do? Good question. We don't have long to decide what to do. Thankfully we will get to keep Vlad open if we pursue a 2nd region.

Friends, keep us in your prayers over the next week. That whatever we decide will be the best decision for our family.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

going private...

I wasn't ever sure I would ever go private. But, after over 2 years of writing on this blog and 3 years on this journey...I've decided it's time. As much as it's hard to exclude people from the rest of our journey...I know it's the best for our family. I hope you will understand. This has not been an easy decision.

So, by the end of the month we will go private. Please email me privately if you'd like to continue to journey with us, by January 31, 2010.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

A 3 year journey to our girl and 10 months since our documents have been in Russia...

Well, I'm sitting here next to my Christmas, we haven't taken it down yet. We were supposed to tonight...but that didn't happen! It is nice to have a laptop now (Christmas present!). I can sit wherever...and be wherever. Like when we go on a holiday...or Russia. We always said we wanted a laptop by the time we go to Russia. So, we got we need a referral!

10 Months! Wow. We are getting closer! Yes, I'd like it to be tomorrow. So many times when Ryden has prayed he says, "and I pray our little sister comes tomorrow." I love it! I wish she could come tomorrow! Every day I pray for good news. And, this Christmas my good friend Stacey got good news! She already has been to Russia and back over Christmas! She has the cutest most adorable boy..and I pray that the next 3-4 months goes so fast for her. It will be a long wait. But, this is the final leg of a long journey for her. The very last leg! How exciting! So many of us have long journeys to our kids. It's hard...but in the end so worth it. Our daughter, is so worth it! When I saw the connection made with Stacey and her son on a video melted my heart. That made it real for me. So real I just balled. This is why we are doing this. For our kids! Sometimes this journey feels like it will never end. That we'll just keep doing this forever and ever and we'll never get our kids home. Then, you see a monther and son kissing and hugging and loving eachother....and you know in your heart that this is really going to happen! We will get our daughter home.

3 years. It's been 3 years since Terence said to me, "Maybe we should adopt." It was from that moment I knew that our 3rd child would not come from us...but from a little orphanage somewhere in this big world of ours. Long ago God planned for our family to grow in different ways. He planned for our little girl to be born to a mother who could not keep her for whatever reason...and that He would plan to give her a forever home in our family. I love how God plans stuff out for us...and then lead us along a journey to take us there! It's not always the easy route. Most times it's the hard route. And, he loves our little girl so much that he picked us...the jellemas, to love her, take care of her and make her our daughter. What a gift to be given! Being a mom has been the greatest job I could ever been given. I am so thankful for all of God's blessings in my life. My husband, my boys, my family, my friends, my church family. You all have been a blessing to me. Helping us through this journey. The things we've learned, the people we've met, the friendships we've made. All because God had a plan for our lives. A plan I could never dreamed up on my own. I could never in a million years make this adoption happen...but I know God can. And will. :-) I have hope and excitement in my heart that THIS is the year we bring our girl home.

So, what's next in our journey? A holiday! A little R&R is what we need. So, we are getting ready for that. :-) Then we'll see after that. I still have hope for a spring referral. Maybe another 4 months. I don't know. I seem to take it 1 month at a time. Bite sized pieces. Its manageable that way. I just keep trusting that God will continue to give me the peace I need to keep going day in and day out. Cause, there are days. I like to be first, I like to win races. And this one, I'm not first to the finish line. I feel like we're dead last. So many have started after us, but have finished before us. You feel like this will never end. So, this has definitely been a learning curve for all of us. But, I know in the end we will finish! And, that keeps me going. It's like doing the 8km run in Victoria that we did this fall...the last part of the course was a series of curves back and forth...when did it end? And, it finally did....and then I could see the finish!!! It was sweet! Hopefully soon we will see the final curve in our path...and this long journey to our girl will be over.