Tuesday, November 24, 2009


1058 days since we began this journey to our daughter... I don't even know what to say to that. It's a lot of days.

To my girl,
I never thought I could love you so much...and I don't even know the color of your hair. Most days I dream you have jet black hair....and other days I see blond. I think of being able to comb your hair and put braids in it. Though it makes me nervous cause I haven't done braids in so many years. Would I even know how? I so look forward to it though. :-) I think of taking you shopping and going on playdates with you're new friends. I look forward to seeing you play with your brothers. To see the smile on your face when we pick them up from school each day, cause I know how much you'll miss them. I look forward to seeing you run into your dada's arms every night after work. And how we'll be able to go for lunch with him every week...like I've done with the boys so many times. I look forward to baking with you, like I'm going to do with Ryden this morning. And I look forward to taking you camping, and hiking. And, it will be a pretty sweet day when I'll have 4 fans in the stands at one of my soccer games...not just 3! A family complete! So, the count down is on my baby girl. Even though we don't know how many days are left...I know that the day is coming where I won't have to count anymore. And that will be the best day EVER! Love you forever and always. Your mama.

Friday, November 20, 2009

another rollercoaster of a day...

Boy, this has been one of those days....up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down....you get the picture! LOL! We had a late night, discussing adoption. As much as I'm tired of talking about it...it's all I can do. It's all we can do. So, I go from wanting to talk about it...to the last thing I want to talk about...all in about a minute. It's really a rollercoaster!

Someone the other day asked me if I think about my daughter every day. HA! Do I think about her? I eat, sleep and dream HER! As much as I'd love to not think about another adoption thing ever again...I CAN'T and DON'T want to stop thinking about her. She is my daughter!! Would I stop believing in God cause I can't see him? NO!!!! I will not stop thinking of her...cause I KNOW I will have her in my arms one day. Just as I will be able to spend my days in the presence of my heavenly Father one day too! (Hopefully not too soon though!! LOL!)

I'm a fighter by nature. I don't give up, ever. From the age of 15-20 I fought a horrible illness that left me days on end in bed, with a lot of pain, exhaustion, and other not so fun things. Did I give up? NO! Did I give up on God cause my life sucked? Did God give up on me when I yelled at him and questioned every thing I ever believed about Him? NO! God brought me through a very difficult 5 years of my life. Yes, I got mad...but I was determined to allow God to take me through that time and trust Him with my life. I had no idea if I would ever get married, have kids, have a life again. I dreamed of being a mom, marrying a man that loved God as much as I did, but really there was no hope at the time that that would ever happen. Now, 14 years later...I have the man of my dreams, the most incredible boys, and a little girl on the other side of the world praying her mama won't stop fighting for her. Do I believe that God will bring our daughter home, Yes, in His timing! No, I won't stop fighting for this adoption. Even when days like this I get really tired of it. Days like this I want to throw in the towel...though I never would. It's days like this, that I lay everything at God's feet. And tell him I trust Him with our daughter life and our adoption plan...cause there is no one else that is bigger, greater and more loving than He. He gave me my life back 14 years ago. No doctor could have stopped the pain or the fatigue. I realize who really is in control of this adoption. And, I can do nothing. I KNOW without a doubt the day we meet our daughter will be a day when I will see that every day of this adoption will have been worth it. We are approaching 3 years of paper chasing and a lot of waiting. 3 years, 4 countries. It's like an eternal pregnancy that will never end. God made pregnancy 9 months for a reason. But, I know in my heart, that I will do another year of this if we have to. I will keep dreaming about her, I will keep fighting for her, I will keep loving her...until she is in our arms. I can tell you that I wouldn't survive this long, moutainous, strenuous climb to our girl if it wasn't for my relationship with Jesus. I need Him to help me through. I want to smile as I go along this journey to her. I want to enjoy the amazing life God has mapped out for us. I want to love the plan God has for my life, be it waiting for 3 + years for our girl. And, when things get tough, I'm thankful for a loving, caring, and sympathetic God that I know will wrap his arms around me and carry me to the end. We would never have met so many of you, if we didn't take this journey. And most importantly I have a rock solid relationhip with Jesus because of this amazing journey.

So, it's on these rollercoaster days that I am reminded what an amazing life I have been blessed with! With so many surrounding us, supporting us and praying us through. And, to be thankful every day for the small things.

sorry for the long winded post....I can hardly ever write something from the heart that only takes a few lines. :-)

Thanks guys! We love you all so much.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

a saddened heart...

So, this is an update to my "cool little story" the other day. My good friend, had to decline the referral. My heart is saddened. Deeply saddened. I can't imagine going through what my friend is going through today. I woke up this morning, praying for her...and I know when I put my head down on my pillow...I will still be praying for her. And, for so many others out there that have gone through, and are going through the very same thing. My heart goes out to you.


We remember...

In Flanders Fields
by John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A cool little story...

A friend of mine has been on a long journey to adopt a little boy from Russia. I met her through an adoption forum a year ago, we are with the same agency, and she lives in Calgary so we have gotten to be good friends. It's been 13 Months since her documents have been in Russia....too long for someone waiting for a boy 2 1/2 - 4 years old!!! Way longer than they ever expected this to take. So, about a month ago....I was praying for S. and was just asking God when is this going to happen? When is S. going to get her call about her little boy? S. has gone through a lot in life, losing her husband in a roll over car accident 11 years ago, 1 year after they got married. This is someone I admire, for her courage, strength and her amazing love for son. Anyway, so a month ago I was praying for her, like I often do....and God threw the date NOVEMBER 9th into my head. So, I wrote it down and told S. ..."you're going to get your call about your son on November 9th!" We laughed about it, but it was so strange that this date was firm in my head. 5 days ago I was emailing with S. and said....only 4 day girl!!!!!

Well, yesterday I had been home 20 minutes, when the phone rings and its S. ...she got her REFERRAL!!!!!! A little boy, not even 2 yet!!!! He's sweet, adorable and healthy! November 9....amazing! God is truly incredible. I love how He shows us Himself, how real He really is. I asked God the other day, to show me something. Something to do with our journey that would get me through to the end of this adoption. Something real, that I would know it was from Him without a shadow of a doubt. Well, this couldn’t have been more real.

I’m still in shock really…yet I shouldn’t be. So many times during this journey I've doubted. It's so human to doubt, when things are not going your way. But, God is faithful...and doesn't give up on us. I love these verses from the bible. From Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to posper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
And this one from Isaiah 40:28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

When I hope in God, I feel I can run a marathon! I love when God reminds me that He is my friend, my best friend. And what does your best friend want? They want the best for you, and would do anything for you! This story was a huge reminder, that God desires for our kids to be with us. He desires for S. to be a family with her son, He desires for our girl to be in our arms forever. Sometimes, His timing is different than ours. We are in such a "want this now and don't want to wait" society. You don't need patience in our society. Everything is at our finger tips. This journey has taught me to be thankful with whatever I've been blessed with, no matter how small or how big...and to be patient for the plan God has for me....cause it will be sooo amazing and defnitely worth waiting years and years for! No, I don't understand why the wait. But, I only want what God wants for our family. I want the daughter that God has planned for us!

We are excited to be on the "home stretch" in our journey. Though we still have many months to go...I am thankful it won't be years anymore(remember, being thankful for the little things!)! I know, we would have never met S. if we would have adopted from China, Taiwan or Ecuador! We value our friendships in life. They are what is important. For our daughter to have a playmate from her own country is worth so much. And, a friend for us to go through this difficult process...means more than you could even imagine. Especially to have someone that lives mear minutes away. S. and I also share a love for soccer...she could probably kick my butt...but I'm ok with that! :-) We are looking foward to having our kids home....most of all.

Well, there you have it! A cool little story...I'll never forget. :-)