Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Happy 9th Anniversary!

9 years ago today...Terence and I got married on the shores of Bow Lake, Alberta. I have been so blessed to be married to such an amazing man! He is my adventure seeking, God loving, kind hearted, humble, my best friend and incredible father to our 2 sweet and lovable boys. He has been my rock through this adoption and I love him to bits! I love you Terence and I will for the rest of my life! I look forward to spending endless years together...enjoying the blessings that God has given us! :-)

Monday, June 15, 2009

waiting...waiting..and more waiting

We're tired of waiting...so tired. Yes, our stuff has only been in Russia 3 months...but we've been doing adoption for 2 1/2 years! It's all I think about. I wake up thinking about our daughter...I think about her during the day...and then I think about her when I go to sleep each night. To just know who she is, to be able to see her picture...that would get me through. Yes, I am thankful where we're at. It's nice to have our dossier in Russia. But really, it's been 2 1/2 years and we're only at this point? I'm tired. I'm tired of no being able to hold her. To kiss her. To love her. I'm exhausted really. Not many people understand adoption. How could they, they haven't gone through it. Until you go through it...you can't understand what it's like. I do know what being a parent is all about...and it's like my daughter has been ripped from my arms and she's on the other side of the world. We have felt for a long while now, that we do have a daughter and sister out there. When the boys draw family pictures....there are 5 of us, not 4. She is already their sister...and to keep telling them she isn't going to come home til next year, it's heartbreaking! It's heartbreaking for all of us. To keep having hope, to keep trusting God that His timing is perfect, to keep praising Him in this "storm" we're going through...it's not always easy. It's hard to ignore the burning ache in your heart day in and day out. I wish all the things we do in life could cover up the pain I feel every day she isn't with us...but nothing helps. I know this is probably the lowest point I've ever been at in this process. When we had to give up Taiwan 1 year ago...I didn't know how we'd go on. The month of June last year was horrible. And once again...this June is no better...though I see what we've done in a year and think...at least we have hope that we will get our daughter from Russia. Last year at this point we didn't even know where we'd go from Taiwan. I've wondered so many times if God has a little Euroasian girl planned for our family. Russian's won't adopt kids that don't look like themselves, so there is hope that we could get a little Asian girl like we've dreamed of for so long. Not that we really care...we just want our daughter home. But, our dream was always Asia...and when that wasn't possible we thought we'd lost our dream. But really, our dream is for another child,...doesn't matter where they are from. :-) I love being a mom, and it seems like a perfect fit for the boys to have a sister. So, we came to settle on Russia, not really thinking that we could possible get a child that may be part Asian! So, there's hope for our dream.

Anyway, that is my thoughts today. Not maybe the most uplifting..but this process isn't always that. We have our days. I hope July proves to be a better month for me. With more distractions in our lives and a lot more sunshine!!! Summer for us is a lot of camping and a few family reunions. I hope it will be a good summer and before we know it, it will be fall. We don't know what the fall will hold for us...most likely not a referral...but we can always hope for a miracle....cause we know God can do anything! :-)


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Happy "early" 5th Birthday Ryden!

So, Ryden has his birthday party today! He isn't turning 5 until July 3rd, but we wantd to celebrate when all his friends would be around. July 3rd is not the time to have a party..everyone is gone on holidays!

He was supposed to have a Mini-golf Party...but as some of you know, it SNOWED here today. Ya, snow on June 6th! Crazy! No, it doesn't normally snow in June in Calgary...but today it did! Thankfully it's all gone now...but still quite chilly outside.

Here are a few pictures from today. We ended up bowling instead and it was still a very fun time! :-) It's hard to believe my baby will be going to Kindergarten this fall...that is one thing that has gone fast. Though, I thought our girl would have been home by now. :-( Hopefully by Ryden's 6th Birthday! :-)