Tuesday, May 26, 2009

things seem very slow...but may pickup in July

I've had this feeling over the last few weeks that things are very slow out there. Blogs aren't updated as much, people just waiting. According to our agency they are supposed to be getting some referrals in July, from 2 different regions. Not that our "number is up" or anything...but maybe the summer will prove to be good with fellow Canadians getting referrals and kids coming home. I hope anyway. So many I know have waited a long while...and it would be so wonderful to have some good news for them. The wait is hard...despite how long it's been. It seems like to me that our agency gets referrals every 3-4 months. So, kind of like 3-4 times a year. So, maybe the next round of referrals could be before Christmas...and if a miracle was to happen...wouldn't that be a great time to get a call?!!! HA! Ya, I know I'm dreaming...but if you know me at all...I am a big dreamer! :-) You can't underestimate what God can do. So, I'm going to hope for Christmas...and see what happens. :-)

The other day I ended up on the door step of a friend of mine, who adopted a girl from Haitie a few years ago. It was kind of neat how it happened. I had left my jacket at a pool in her area on the weekend and decided I should go get it back before it disapprears for good. So, after picking it up I thought...hmmm...Julie lives near here...maybe I should go see if she's home. Unfortunatley they tore down their house and are building a new one in its place...so I was unsure what house they were renting on the block while their knew one was being built. So, being like my mom...I began rapping on a couple doors...but noone was home at either of the houses(yes, I guess people work!). So, I got back into my truck and was leaving a message for Terence when who drives by but my friend!!!!! She pulls up behind me(not knowing it was me, cause we got a new truck since I saw her last!) and I jumped out...surprising her! I got a tour of their framed new house(it's gorgeous bytheway!) and then she invited me in for coffee.

It's like God knew I needed her that day. That I needed to just chat with someone who understands adoption all too well. Yes, our experiences have been different but just to know she understands me and knows what I'm going through gave me what I need to get me through this rough spell I'm going through. I was much happier after leaving her place and I still feel pretty positive today. :-) Isn't God good?!! I had no idea when I had left my jacket at the pool...that it would be the best thing I could have done.(at the time I was upset that I had to go all the way back and get it...if it was still there). It's a reminder that God is in full control and He has his ways of letting us know that He is near and will give us a boast when I need it most. :-) He will bring people close to support me through this...and I am so thankful that He loves me enough to bring Julie into my day! Cause I really needed her. So, thanks Julie...for being free and having nothing urgent to do! :-)

In the last few days since I spent time with my friend...I've felt more of a peace about this all. I know I've had good friends praying for me...and to them I am thankful, sooo thankful! :-) Not that I'm ok with waiting and that I don't get upset every other day about this whole thing....but I know down deep in my heart that God is in control and he will do what he wants with my life. I just need to trust that he has our best interest at heart. So, I hold onto that...and try to keep smiling. :-) I've been enjoying watching my super star son Trennon excel at the game of soccer and as a player myself I have thoroughly enjoyed myself these last few weeks, just watching him play. Ryden has been my sidekick these days...helping me clean the truck, helping out with taking care of Oma every Tuesday, he's my constant. And I love that about him. He makes me smile...with that amazing pearly white smile he has and that belly filled laugh of his. God knew that I needed him by my side this year. We've had fun and I've loved the time I've had with him. Usually middle children miss out on "mama alone time"....but thankfully he hasn't missed out..since the timing of our adoption was definitely different than we expected. So, that is a bonus I'd say! Even in the fall I will have him home 3 days a week and he'll be in Kindergarten 2 full days a week. So, we will still get lots of time together...which I'm very very happy about. Then, by the time our daughter comes home for good...he'll be almost in Grade 1 and then I'll have her by my side. I know she will miss her brothers while they are at school...but I do spend time volunteering there...and maybe, just maybe they'll decide to come home for lunch every so often! We do live a 1 minute walk from school after all! :-)

Well, I think that is all. One last thing. Our dossier has not been registered in a 2nd region as of yet. I think there are a lot of others ahead of us. So, we keep our hope in Vlad...maybe that is where our daughter is?! We can only hope that the day won't be too long before we get that long awaited call!

With loads of love,

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Russia news...and a whole lot of rambling! :-)

Last week I had a chance to talk with our agency. Unfortunately things are slowing down even more in Russia. How could it get slower? Who knows. Hey, it's better than the country shutting down all together or stopping adoptions to Canada, like our experience with Taiwan when they pulled the program from Canada. We're trying to be as optimistic as possible and doing our best not to worry about the possible long wait ahead of us.

Our agency has stopped taking new clients on until this start to pick up a bit. They have had 3 regions of Russia open until now. And, they are opening 6 more regions which is good. The problem with new regions is that they have no experience in them and their relationship with the facilitator is new. So, we hope that things go well in the new regions and families will get matched with kids sooner than later. It's all pretty much a gamble going into a new region. This is why we chose Vladivostok. Choices has been in this region for a very long time. Unfortunately they are losing their facilitator that they've had great relationship with. I know they have another one lined up...but what will this do to adoption in Vladivostok? Who knows. Time will tell the story on that one. In the mean time Choices is doing something to help maybe speed up adoptions in Russia for us families that are currently registered. They've decided to put our dossier in 2 different regions at the same time...and not just one. So, it kind of doubles our odds of getting a child sooner. I don't know when this will be done. We were probably one of the last families registered into a region so maybe in a month or two we'll find out more. I'm trying not to think about it too much. I just keep praying that we'll get matched with a child from Vladivostok in the next 6 months and then we won't have to rely on a new region. This probably is being too hopeful...as they now say over a year for a referral. Hey, God can do anything...and I believe that with my whole heart!! So, we just keep praying that a miracle will happen. That we'll get the long awaited call about our little girl that is waiting oh so patiently for us. Won't that be just the most amazing day?!!! I get tears in my eyes just thinking about the call! What would I say? Well, I probably wouldn't say anything...I know I'll just ball!! When I think about getting that call I get a little panicked cause I don't that I'm totally ready either. We would have about 2 weeks to get ready before we'd go meet her. That's crazy! My parents are planning to come be with the boys while we're away and all that that entails scares me a little. Plus have to buy plane tickets, book hotels, etc. Yikes! I am so happy that we won't have to wait months to meet her like some countries. But, we will have a long wait between trip 1 and trip 2. Could potentially be 4-5 months between trips. That will be the biggest test of patience I know. I may think things are hard now...but really this is nothing compared to knowing what our daughter looks like, and having held her in our arms...and then having to let her go for months!!! I know God will get us through this...He has always been there for us through thick and thin. And, I know I don't have to worry about going through it alone. But, I know this will be a true test and I know my heart will be broken without her in my arms. I know this because I have two amazing little boys of my own...and my heart almost broke not seeing them for 19 days while I was in Cambodia last year. But, God was amazing through it all and I was able to poor my love into little AIDS orphan boys and girls and I had an amazing time. I know God can do anything if you let Him. And, I know He will provide a way for us to poor ourselves into our boys and into others around us to help us get through the long wait. And, soon this will all be over and we'll be living our lives as a complete family and I'll think how fast this all went! HA! Ya, fast. Well, maybe not fast...but I know it will be nice for this all to be over! To not have to think about having a child on the other side of the world! I think she'll be sleeping down the hall from us. Oh won't that just be amazing! Our favorite thing to do at night is to go check on the boys before we go to bed. We do it faithfully every night...to see them sleeping is such an amazing sight. They are so peaceful. I can just imagine the first time we go check on our daughter...I don't know that I'll ever want to leave her room. Just to watch her and remember all the nights I just wanted to be able to see her face. And now, seeing her in her bed fast asleep. What a dream come true.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling on now. I just want to fill this hole in my heart that can only be filled by my girl. I just long to be complete. So, blogging helps me...like I know it helps others. I know so many of you know what it feels like to have this hole...and then you know how it feels to have that hole filled up with someone. I hope one day soon I will be one of those people. So, we keep trusting and hoping and praying that that day will soon come! God knows! And, one day He's going to share that with us! It's going to be incredible...just like when our two little boys came into our lives. It was amazing. I loved when I got to finally put my arms around them. I'm so thankful God blessed us with two amazing boys. I also love that God chose adoption as a way to grow our family. We feel so blessed to be able to adopt. This journey has been incredible. All the bumps and turns have brought our relationship with Jesus to a whole new level of trust and faith. I am thankful for all we've been through and all we have yet to go through! It's not always easy...but it excites me to see God move in our lives and through us. He is good! :-)

With all the love,


Friday, May 8, 2009

Turn up your speakers....

If you turn up your speakers you will hear my newest song on my blog!

So, I was driving (in my new Nissan Pathfinder!!) around the city today and this song came on the radio. I knew as soon as I heard the words that God wanted me to hear it today. I love how God does that! I had a really tough weekend last weekend. I was tired of WAITING! But, Monday night while Terence and I were preparing for our bible study we realized that when things are rough...we need to continue to draw on God's strength. And, with continued faith in God...came this peace that eased my sadness and pain that comes with missing my daughter so much. It was amazing! And, when I heard this song today....God was reminding me that I need to keep serving Him as I wait, I need to keep loving others with His love as I wait, and I need to keep worshiping the God I love because of His undying love me. I need to keep being confident that His path and His timing is what I ultimately want for our family! So, how could I not want to wait on his most amazing plan for our family? I want the daughter that God has planned for us...so yes, I am willing to WAIT! Yes, it's not always easy...with every new mountain that stands in our path my faith will be and has been challenged. I am still human after all! But, I know that it's because of these obstacles that my character is being formed into the person God wants me to be. I desire to be more like Him....but I know I will have to go through challenges and climb big mountains and rely on Him all the more. So, like one of the songs on my blog "I will praise Him in this Storm". Yes, I will. And one day...our little girl will come into our lives and we will thank God for all the mountains and all the obstacles that came into our path...cause without them we would have never made it to our sweet little girl. I'm excited about all that God's going to do in our lives between now and then! He gives us Hope for our future....our future with our daughter. And to think...finally having her in our lives is only the tip of the iceburg. To think of all the days will have with her....the ups, the downs...the rewards, the challenges....yes, more challenges. But, when you know it's all part of His plan for our lives....I'm excited to follow Him no matter where He will take us!

Thank you all for being such amazing friends, family, fellow adoptors, and bloggers! I never could have dreamed that we would have needed such a big support group...not knowing how long it would really take and how high some of the mountains have been that we've had to climb! We've needed you so much, to stand by us through thick and thin. And, we appreciate you more than I could say in words.

So thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


**my next post is going to be an update on our adoption and what's happening in Russia these days.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Little Soccer Star....

Trennon is enjoying U-8 boys soccer this spring! This is his first summer of Outdoor soccer. He enjoyed playing indoor soccer this past winter. He's a chip off the old block...has amazing speed and a mind for the game! He's on a very talented team of boys. I'm impressed with their ability to make great passes and great shots on net and work as a team to get the job done! I look forward to seeing them all progress through the rest of the season. Last night Trennon had a great assist that he was so proud of. I've always stressed to him that making assists is just as important as scoring. He definitely has a natural ability for the game...and that excites me (as a player myself!). I definitely was a proud mama last night!! :-)

Friday, May 1, 2009

how long can we wait?

Well, if it were on my own strength...I'd be done right now. Done with this adoption. As of yesterday we heard that referrals of boys are taking 1 year.....1 year? You have got to be kidding me!!! I didn't even ask about a girl...cause I just didn't want to hear the answer. If God wasn't giving me the strength somedays...I don't think I'd get out of bed. Like this morning....I just didn't want to enter the world...cause I just wanted my girl in my arms. I know miracles are possible...and that's what keeps me going day in and day out with this adoption. I know I can not imagine holding out for our girl for 2 more years....yet I will do it...for her, for me and our family! She's worth it baby...and I will wait. But man, I think it's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my life!!

I have to keep reminding myself that God is in full control and he could bring her into our lives in a moment if he wanted. He will, when the time is right. I just hope that day isn't 2 years from now! :-)

This is once again..."a storm" I'll have to get through. Today I just wish I could see her face...and tell her I love her and that mama thinks of her every moment of every day. And that I will NOT give up!!! Those with kids, and those adopting can feel my pain I know....and understand.

But, now I need to buck up! Cause we're going to have a wonderful weekend. My mom is coming to town tonight. We're going to Trennon's Spring Musical and then Thomas the Train tomorrow! And, it's supposed to be 16 degrees tomorrow! wow...summer might actually come to Calgary this year! LOL!

Thanks for standing by us...we love you all!